Why are you here?
… it’s the only meaningful place to start…
… then, we can figure out where we can go and the next steps. We work together, figure things out, and make decisions together.
Working with me is challenging; I wouldn’t be doing my job if it wasn’t, but it should also be fun! Not fun as in jumping off a bridge on a bungee rope (no, I’m not sure of that either), but the sort of fun we have when we are working out a solution to a problem or when we stand with a loved one and watch a sunset: fun that helps us grow as a person, and that’s what we’re here for.
Remember, our journey towards success begins with a simple act of reaching out. So, let’s start the conversation and make things happen.
BUT...Please be aware...
I will not accept requests to see someone being “sent” to counselling by a third party, no matter how well intended.
Couple’s Counselling should not be used to try and ‘fix’ your partner, nor should your partner be ‘forced’ into counselling. Both parties must be willing participants who want to find a way ahead and understand what is happening. I will explore this aspect of counselling with anyone who comes for relationship counselling with me.
The free 30 minutes session
For many men, that first contact is the most difficult. It means we recognise that we need help. Being told by a loved one, a friend, or a boss that we need help is different from acknowledging to ourselves we need help.
The initial session is also worrying, as we are about to tell someone else, a stranger, that we need help but don’t know what to do, expect, or say.
Let’s help make that taster session a little easier. This is a relaxed session; we won’t do any deep work, even though many people feel they get something out of it. The purpose of this session is for you to get to know me and my approach and for me to understand your challenges and assess if I have the right skills to help you. It’s also an opportunity for us to see if we can work well together. I will probably ask you what is going on. Some men can explain in detail what they think is going on, while others will say they haven’t got a clue – they just know things aren’t right; both answers are great.
We could look at how you might want things to be in the future and how you will decide whether counselling is working for you. Remember that you are investing in your money, time, and emotions – make sure you know how you will get a return on that investment! With the right approach, counselling can bring about positive changes in your life.
Booking your first counselling session
After our initial chat, I will provide you with a link so you can book your first counselling session.
This first appointment requires pre-payment , as outlined in my Counselling Contract. From session two onwards, I will issue you an invoice at the end of the session, expecting that payment will be made upon receipt of the invoice.
- Payments for the first session are non-refundable. If you cancel the first appointment, I will issue a credit note that is valid for 90 days.
- If you fail to give 24 hours’ notice of cancellation or fail to attend this first session, the total session fee will be charged.
After your first counselling appointment, you will become an existing client and be issued a separate booking code for future sessions.
The initial session
Great! You’ve chosen to work with me, and I’m excited to get started. Our sessions will last about an hour, and I prioritise meaningful conversations over just filling time. We’ll focus on what’s happening in your life now and work towards your future, creating new paths of hope and motivation. I don’t like to start with surveys or questionnaires, as they can create biases. Instead, I prefer to listen to you with an open mind.
I’ll ask lots of questions, some of which may seem simple or silly, but they’re important for understanding your perspective. We might both like the colour blue, but your choice of shade could lead to unexpected issues—just like in our conversations!
You’ll also get homework! Our sessions will cover theoretical aspects, and I’ll assign practical tasks to help you move forward. If something doesn’t resonate with you, we’ll revisit it and find what works best. Your feedback is essential for this process.
How we work together
Many men approach me without clearly understanding their problems or how to resolve them. By the end of our conversation, most realise that their initial question was off-target, yet they leave equipped with a valuable toolkit for overcoming future challenges.
This process is deceptively straightforward and effective; we are only chatting, aren’t we?
FAQs on Counselling
Most people I work with are new to counselling, so here is a series of FAQs that help you understand what happens and provide some other basic information.
What can I expect from you as my counsellor?
First and most importantly, respect.
In broad terms, you can expect to be treated with respect, dignity, and a balanced level of give and take.
You can expect questions and conversation, openness and honesty. I will not judge what you have to say or you; I believe that we do things for a reason, even if we do not know what that reason is – our joint role is to figure out what is going on and how we can change things, to do this we need to be open and honest.
Do not expect counselling to be easy. A quick chat and everything will be fixed is unrealistic and fanciful. Tea and sympathy have no place in the counselling room.
Your counsellor should, of course, be very supportive and help you feel safe in sharing your problems, but they should also challenge you; to make you think hard about the questions that are asked.
Don’t forget, it is your money and time, cosy, boring, counselling relationship that is full of politeness and clichés, where tricky topics are avoided is not, in my opinion, counselling and will not help you resolve your problems.
How do I know counselling will be good for me?
There are no guarantees with counselling, psychotherapy or coaching. I work in this field because I have seen people achieve tremendous gains from this kind of work. That doesn’t mean that I can guarantee that every person will be helped, but if what you need is something that I can help with then I will use the best available treatments to do my utmost to help.
What is counselling like?
Everyone is different with unique issues and goals for counselling, this means that the approach taken by Damian to counselling will be different depending on the person he is working with.
However, generally, you can expect to discuss the current events happening in your life, your personal history relevant to your issue, and process new insights gained from the previous counselling session.
Depending on your specific needs, therapy can be short-term, for a specific issue, or longer-term, to deal with more difficult patterns or your desire for more personal development. I tend to work with people in six-week cycles so that we have a focus for our work; counselling should not be like going down a rabbit warren!
You will get more results from therapy if you actively participate in the process; reflecting on what we have said during a session and doing any ‘homework’ that is suggested. By doing this you will bring what you learn in the sessions back into your life.
Are there any risks with counselling?
Although counselling begins with the hope that your life and relationships will ultimately improve, there is no guarantee. However, it is important not to give you false hope.
Like many things in life, counselling /psychotherapy has inherent risks. As clients start to explore difficult emotions or events things can begin to feel worse before they get better. Some of these possible risks to you include, but are not limited to, experiencing:
- Disruptions in your daily life that can occur because of therapeutic changes
- Emotional pain due to exploring personal issues and/or family history
- Emotional pain within your current relationships.
Is counselling all straight-laced and serious?
I hope not!
Don’t get me wrong, our conversations are serious but that doesn’t stop us from having a laugh at times. The intention is to co-create a respectful and collaborative space. Believe it or not, we might end up laughing as we become aware of the ways our past and present habits are meddling hangers-on! Frankly, laughter and humour are frequent companions to many of my therapeutic conversations.
How many sessions will I need?
This is a really difficult question to answer.
It is difficult to predict how many counselling sessions you will need. Some clients require 4 to 6 sessions, some will require significantly more, while others may only need 1 or 2 sessions. Generally, the more complex and long-standing the problems, the more sessions are required to develop and maintain the desired changes.
What type of payments do you accept?
This is an easy question. While counselling or coaching online, I accept PayPal, credit/debit cards but prefer bank transfers as it does not lead to extra costs for me.
Do you have a cancellation policy?
Life happens. We get called to meetings. We get ill. Kids get ill. Cars breakdown… All these things mean that we might have to cancel or delay our counselling sessions.
If you let me know as soon as you can that you cannot attend, there will be no cancellation charge; I trust that you are doing what you can and/or need to do to take care of yourself. If you don’t have a chance to let me know, I will probably reach out in some way to check in and ask how you’re doing.
That being said, I do reserve the right to charge a cancellation fee if you do not let me know that you are not going to attend. If you do not attend your appointment, I cannot fill that slot with another person and thus I lose income.
What happens if I see you outside of the counselling room?
Even if all my counselling took place online until, the day I retire, the odds are that most clients will come from my local area (it’s just one of those strange things!). This means that living in a small rural community as I do, even if we were both hermits, it is highly likely that we would run into each other at some stage. (Even with online clients, there is a real risk that we could run into each other at an airport – I know it is possible because it has happened!)
Out of respect for your privacy, confidentiality, and consent, I will take my cue from you in social situations. If you are comfortable with saying hello in public or nodding/waving in acknowledgement, I will be honoured to reciprocate. If you would rather not be acknowledged, I also respect that. I will not engage in conversation with you.
Please know that I won’t intentionally ignore you, at least to some extent, when in public! I simply have a tendency of getting lost in thought or be somewhat distracted.
FAQs on Online Counselling
I hope to answer some basic questions about online counselling to assure you that it is safe, secure and as effective as face-to-face counselling.
What is online counselling?
Online counselling goes by many different names; teletherapy, distance therapy, videoconferencing therapy… Most professional counsellors will use secure video platforms so that we can see and hear each other; I generally use Google Meet or Microsoft Teams, however, if you want to use FaceTime or Zoom, I will be happy to oblige.
*Although I use the term online counselling, I do also offer clients telephone counselling.
How does online counselling work?
Being stuck at home or working remotely can be isolating. First, this is not a unique feeling, and many people feel the same way. Second, online counselling is a good way to take care of your mental health and build your mental fitness while unable to make it in person for therapy, but it’s important that you find a good fit with your counsellor.
Online Counselling is just like going to see your counsellor from the comfort of your home or office (or any other space in which you feel safe – for example people have had sessions in their car, in their garden, on their daily walk…).
The Challenge with Online Counselling
One thing the pandemic has shown is that our physical location is no barrier to accessing high-quality counselling and counsellors. At the start of the pandemic, several clients were concerned about moving their session online, it was a concern I shared.
My concern was not about the effectiveness of online counselling but rather the loss of the ‘human touch’ and the ability to read body language, cues that are readily available when the person is sitting across the room from me.
While there is a growing body of research evidence to suggest that online counselling is as effective as face-to-face counselling (have a look at this post), let me outline what I have found to be the advantages of online counselling from my experience:
- Convenience: Online counselling provides clients with the option of booking an appointment to suit their availability rather than having to add travelling time to any session time. Clients can also engage in counselling at their own convenience, in an environment that they are already very familiar and comfortable with.
- Flexibility: I have been offering limited online counselling for a few years, for people who have mobility issues, travel for work, or want to work with a specific specialist counsellor, anywhere in the world. Currently, I am counselling clients from across the UK, and in several different countries and continents across the world, both as private clients and through several different international companies.
- Emotional and Physical Safety: One of the strange things about online counselling is that many clients feel safer. Clients feel as if they are in control of where they see the counsellor. For some the safe space is their home, for others, they travel to a safe space in their car and talk to me away from home or work. Another aspect is that clients don’t seem to feel the need to maintain a ‘social mask’ in their initial session and tend to offer me a glimpse of who they are, being more honest and transparent in the session – meaning that our work can progress at a faster, deeper pace. I can only think that this is because they feel safer in a space of their choosing.
- Reduced Stigma: Not having to go to a counsellor’s rooms, and therefore not being seen, or having to explain to people what they are doing, seems to be a benefit that some experience from online counselling.
Do I need specialist software?
No. Wherever possible, and with the agreement of my clients, I use a secure online video-conferencing provided by the folks at Google Meet or Microsoft Teams. I can, however, offer counselling using other platforms (FaceTime, Zoom, Skype or WhatsApp).
Just check that your sound and camera are turned on, and your alerts are disabled when you connect.